Academics love the expression 'body of knowledge' to refer to the stuff they know.  For medical academics and researchers knowledge of the body is an important part of the body of knowledge they accumulate.

Yesterday I received the appointment letter for my pre-op assessment next January including a request that I allow the tissue they remove to be used for research or training purposes.  For me this was a no-brainer - yes, of course they can have the tissue.

For me decision this operates at many levels. 

From a purely selfish perspective I actively disliked the thought that part of me would simply be incinerated like so much hospital waste; yes I know that the tissue once finished with will be disposed of, but at least it will now serve a useful purpose first.  My Protestant ethic of usefulness clearly runs deep! 

From a more altruistic and reasoned perspective, saying 'yes' allows people to learn more about this disease and hopefully move closer to finding better means of early detection and/or a cure for future generations.  I am truly grateful to the past generations who allowed themselves to be part of trials using various drugs and forms of surgery to achieve the treatment I am now receiving.  As I swallow my anti-emetics I am mindful of the countless people who endured violent bouts of vomiting when the drugs were new; as I am advised of side effects I appreciate the people who underwent trials and risked the unknown; as I psyche myself up for surgery next year, I am grateful for all the advances that will make that a less scary experience than it might once have been.

If some good can out of this, if a future generation of pathologists can be trained to recognise this kind of cancer, if new research can be identified and undertaken leading to even better detection or treatment, if one day a cure can be found and the 'best' overall prognosis of an 80% chance of living at least 5 years one day be a distant memory, then that'd be great.  To play a small part in the healing of future generations from the consequences of a broken and disordered world seems a good outcome whether I end up in the 80% or the 20% (and only time will tell on that one).

The body of knowledge keeps growing, bringing with it new knowledge of the body... and if the redesigned me can help with that, then so much the better! 

Of course I respect the views of those who chose otherwise, for all manner of personal and religious reasons, but as we're all made of borrowed atoms and molecules anyway, and as our essence is so much more than the mere sum of our parts, for me it is the right decision to give an unreserved 'yes' when the question is asked of me next January.

Been a very long day with lots of delays but I got round the bend today.  Hurray!

Met some more interesting people - some just starting chemo, some part way through, some new nurses and yet another oncologist as they needed a safety check before they drugged me.  Was well fed with choccy biccies and a corned beef sandwich as the only thing I could have from what was on offer.

Had to explain to nurse that Sunday is a really bad day to send the District Nurse to do my blood boosting jab... hopefully next time they can manage a Saturday... we'll see.

Good to be home before dark.  I'm tired by the duration rather than the drugs... though am sure the flop effects aren't far away.

Today is scheduled as my fourth dose of chemo - the two-thirds mark - but on Wednesday my neutrophil levels were too low (something that happens to lots of people) so I have a retest at 9a.m. Here's hoping it's OK as the implication of a week's slippage would mean a floppy birthday a month today (to the date not the day) :-(

It's a drug change too - so last night and this morning I have swallowed large quantities of steroids which means if it stands still I might be tempted to eat it!  Evidently the new drug is derived from yew tree bark, which feels perversely apt for a 'vicar' who for almost six years had a Baptist graveyard on her patch and who as a young child used climb the yew tree in our garden (to the disquiet of my parents!).  This drug has slightly different side effects including the possibilities of bone/joint pain, peripheral neuropathy, plamar-plantar and of course falling off nails... sounds like the hill just got a bit steeper.  Last night I painted my nails blue to match my jumper and this morning discovered I could plait a cartoon fatness plait in my biggest headscarf!  What I look like I dread to think, but hey...

Enough of me, what about the New Zealand miners... will they be as fortunate as the Chilean ones?  I think of their families waiting anxiously for news and hoping against hope.

And it's Children in Need day.  Specifically I am thinking of children and teenagers with cancer today; some are treated in other parts of the hospital I'll be at today and some of them will be very, very sick.  I think of their families for whom  today has extra poignancy.  And children's and young people's hospices, offering respite and comfort for families where life-limiting and life-threatening conditions are part of daily life.

So, all being well by this afternoon I'll be round the bend... but if I'm not I have the gift of a 'false plateau' week with good energy levels in which to prepare for the start of Advent.  Seems like 'heads I win and tails I don't lose after all.'

Usually around this time of year I like to take a week off before the onslaught of the crazy-fun schedule of Advent and Christmas.

This year events have overtaken me and a holiday is not feasible, but I will be taking a week out from church (albeit one with at least two and probably three lots of hopsital visits) before a very scaled down but still fun Advent and Christmas.  I have a friend coming to stay for a couple of days and then I will be heading to the next 'floppy weekend' which coincides with a long scheduled 'free Sunday'.

All this means I am choosing not to post for the next few days as part of having a break.  So this corner of blogland will be silent but I will be back soon!

I watched the Royal British Legion Festival of Remembrance last night, something I've done pretty much annually as long as I can remember.  I remember the time I heard Raymond Baxter say that there was only one year since World War II in which a service man (as it then was) had died in active service; last night Huw Edwards said it again.  Since last year, he announced, another 111 service personnel had died - in Afghanistan.

As the poppy petals fall - they used to say one for each life lost - I am always saddened that each year there are more than the year before.  The sea of reddness a reminder of the military human cost of war.

Whether we choose red poppies, white poppies, both or neither, we do well to recall that still today there are young man and young women the world over risking their lives in the service of nation, cause or ideal.  And there are 'folk back home' anxiously waiting and wondering, grieving and mourning.

Today we are are using the BUGB DVD on the complex topic of Trident to centre our thoughts.  No easy answers, just a pause to think, and to remember.

Lest we forget we forget the old lie, dulce et decorum est pro patria mori (Wilfred Owen)

Lest we fail to remember those who still give their lives in the service of others