I think my task this week might be to gain a little more empathy with those who live with chronic pain.  I wouldn't be so bold as to term what I am experiencing pain - more stiffness, aches and discomfort (though it's a bit odd feeling your skull is stiff!) - but it is making me appreciate more what life might be like for those who live with chronic joint, bone or muscle pain.

Now, lest you worry I've gone all holy and Pollyanna on you, no I don't think this happened so I could learn empathy, just that given it did happen, by default I do.  At least, a little bit - in a few days my aches will pass and normality will resume, and I only have to experience this twice more in the next couple of months.  For some people it is day and daily - every day they ache, each morning they hurt, each night they wince... I can't imagine how people who experience chronic pain say so positive, yet most do.

I am fortunate, the aches I am experiencing are 'lower grade' than most of the injury pains I've sustained over many years of hiking, and I am not reduced to pill-popping simply to get by.  There are many people for whom this cannot be said, every movement brings pain and struggle.  So for a moment, I pause to enter the edges of their world, glad I can soon slip back to my own...

A week away from work - well as much as I can manage without physically going away - has been pleasurable and due to being week 3/1 of a chemo cycle meant I was able to enjoy most of it with normal energy levels etc.  With my drug change I was promised joint/bone aches - and today there are the first hints of their arrival.  I am amused in a perverse way as the aches feel very like those caused by serious hill walking, albeit located in my bones rather than my muscles.  The sense of being a bit seized up or doing what my walking friend and I term 'the old lady shuffle' when I move off from rest make my metaphor a bit more realistic.  So far in this cycle my energy levels are holding up - another similarity to 'real' hill climbing.

Back to work tomorrow and the beginnings of Advent preparation.  I love Advent, and I love the excitement it brings for children.  My kitchen is full of ingredients for our Advent Sunday evening service, and I am looking forward eagerly to the two services that day which I will co-lead with others (mysteriously planned in to our scheme even before any of this reality was known to us ... cue spooky music).

I'm glad to be back to whatever passes for normal just now... and looking forward to being back with my lovely, lovely people at church on Sunday for worship and our Advent lunch for students.  God is good, and as Advent reminds us, God has come, is coming and will come...

This arrived in an email this morning.  It shows we understand a thing or three in Glasgow...!  (Caution, language hints at the "strong" so if easily offended, look away now.)  Thanks ST in Leics. for the smile.

REQUIREMENTS FOR HEAVEN!!!
HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN FROM SCOTLAND

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.  I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?”

“NO” the children answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?”

Again, the answer was “No”.

By now I was starting to smile.

“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?”

Yet again, they all answered “No”.

I was just bursting with pride for them.  I continued, “Then how can I get into heaven?”

A six year old boy shouted,“YE'VE GOT TAE BE F***IN' DEID”

KINDA BRINGS A WEE TEAR TO YOUR EYE.

It's getting to the time of year when everyone is (well lots of people are) posting Winter or Christmassy recipes on their blogs.

So this is just to say that on 28th Nov at our evening service we are making mini vegan Christmas puds - recipe to follow once I've finished deriving it from various sources!

This week I had a veggie friend to stay for a couple of days, so I made a veggie cottage pie (using vegetarian bricks and chimney pots obviously)...

Prepare about 6oz (150g) red lentils by cooking according to the instructions on the packet

Finely chop one onion (not too strong) about three sticks of celery and a couple of carrots and 'sweat' for about ten minutes in a little vegetable oil of your choice.

Add the lentils and water they've been cooked in to the sweated veg. To this mix add either a veggie stock cube or a good splash of veggie stock concentrate and/or a teaspoon of marmite, some dried sage and some dried thyme plus S&P to taste; you might need more water.  Bring to the boil and simmer for about 20 mins.

Meanwhile, dice some sweet potatoes or ordinary potatoes (I used one large one of each; wimped out of purple mash for a friend who'd never seen purple spuds) and boil til soft then mash using butter or spread depending how V or V you are!

Place the lentil mix in an ovenproof dish.  Slice up some tomatoes, any size, shape or colour and lay over the mixture then top with your mashed potato.  You can grate some cheese over the top if your diet allows it.

Bake in the oven now or when it's getting close to tea time for about 20-30 mins at about 180C (Mark 5 ish).  Serve with veg of your choice... I used a selection of green things steamed for 15 mins.

Serves 2-4 depending how hungry you are and how much extra veg you cook.  Keeps well overnight - no meat to give you worries - and freezes well too.

Enjoy!

Academics love the expression 'body of knowledge' to refer to the stuff they know.  For medical academics and researchers knowledge of the body is an important part of the body of knowledge they accumulate.

Yesterday I received the appointment letter for my pre-op assessment next January including a request that I allow the tissue they remove to be used for research or training purposes.  For me this was a no-brainer - yes, of course they can have the tissue.

For me decision this operates at many levels. 

From a purely selfish perspective I actively disliked the thought that part of me would simply be incinerated like so much hospital waste; yes I know that the tissue once finished with will be disposed of, but at least it will now serve a useful purpose first.  My Protestant ethic of usefulness clearly runs deep! 

From a more altruistic and reasoned perspective, saying 'yes' allows people to learn more about this disease and hopefully move closer to finding better means of early detection and/or a cure for future generations.  I am truly grateful to the past generations who allowed themselves to be part of trials using various drugs and forms of surgery to achieve the treatment I am now receiving.  As I swallow my anti-emetics I am mindful of the countless people who endured violent bouts of vomiting when the drugs were new; as I am advised of side effects I appreciate the people who underwent trials and risked the unknown; as I psyche myself up for surgery next year, I am grateful for all the advances that will make that a less scary experience than it might once have been.

If some good can out of this, if a future generation of pathologists can be trained to recognise this kind of cancer, if new research can be identified and undertaken leading to even better detection or treatment, if one day a cure can be found and the 'best' overall prognosis of an 80% chance of living at least 5 years one day be a distant memory, then that'd be great.  To play a small part in the healing of future generations from the consequences of a broken and disordered world seems a good outcome whether I end up in the 80% or the 20% (and only time will tell on that one).

The body of knowledge keeps growing, bringing with it new knowledge of the body... and if the redesigned me can help with that, then so much the better! 

Of course I respect the views of those who chose otherwise, for all manner of personal and religious reasons, but as we're all made of borrowed atoms and molecules anyway, and as our essence is so much more than the mere sum of our parts, for me it is the right decision to give an unreserved 'yes' when the question is asked of me next January.