Tonight we had what for Dibley is a very long Deacons' meeting - three hours.  In 'churches I have known' this would have been normal or even short.  I guess I have to be grateful that my folk usually get fidgety by 9:30 so that a 10:30 finish was unusual.

A fairly large chunk of the meeting was a time of sharing - how life and church are for each each of us at the moment.  People were honest and, on the whole, pretty open.  Fatigue and flatness seemed to be the operative words - everyone working more hours doing more things with more pressures.  Amazingly I did not feel either guilty or responsible when people said they felt church was 'flat.'

It wasn't a happy meeting, though there was no 'atmosphere', just a meeting of facing a lot of tough realities and starting to acknowledge that they won't suddenly come right if only we pray harder.  There was acknowledgement of yet another 'crunch time' looming, but that this one was different: whilst finances and building issues can be overcome or worked around, when the people have nothing left to give there is nowhere left to go.  I hope - and pray - that we do find a way through all this, but there was a real sense that come the AGM we could find ourselves, in the word I used, and apolgised because I didn't know a ministerially suitable equivalent, stuffed.

Amazingly, I am feeling fairly calm about this - but whether this is peace beyond comprehension or shere exhaustion I don't know!  Ah well a light weekend ahead with all of Sunday FREE!!!!

As the song says, not sure where it comes from, but recall singing it in a church pantomime years ago than I care to remember: -

When shivering in my shoes,

I strike a careless pose,

And whistle a hapy tune,

So no one ever knows I'm afraid!

The result of this deception

Is very strange to tell

For when I fool the people I feel

I fool myself as well...

 

I am trying to work out why I am currently so terrified at the thought of possibly presenting a paper at an international conference when I am fairly comfortable with the idea of presenting at a national one and have, albeit in a very different arena, presented at an international conference before.

Largely it is about my own sense of my credibility, I think.  Presenting in a field where I had a proven track record and was acknowledged as an excellent practitioner felt very different from a novice with no track record (apart from speaking on being a small church at Baptist Assembly and an undergrad dissertation on single people and church in the BMJ (Baptist variety thereof), neither of which pertains to the topic under discussion).  I guess I was less scared of looking silly and/or not being able to answer people's questions.

So why not so scared of a UK audience?  I think it is because this is a less 'unknown' forum and one where more tentative explorations are shared in an atmosphere that is generally quite kind.  And whilst I don't want or need to be treated with kid gloves, I guess I feel that I have 'novice' written on my head in rather large letters for everyone to see.

And all this is in some sense a tad daft anyway, because my experience in indsutry conferneces is that most people who ask questions are genuinely interested in what you're doing, and those who want to make you look silly or stupid the minority.  That plus the fact that I actually enjoy presenting (and am probably better at that than I am at writing) means that I will, in a day or so, pluck up the courage to contact the relevant conference organisers to see whether they would accept my work. 

Ulp! Whistle, whistle!

At our Lent meeting tonight we were thinking about being made in the image and likeness of God, and about how God's character is seen within us; almost more as ikon than image I guess.  The leader, a very wonderful retired Methodist minister, speaking about creativity (which was the main theme) asked us to think how what we do is 'creative' and if not creative, then how it is 'redemptive.'

That made me think a lot.  Often enough we speak of God as 'creator, redeemer and sustainer' (or creating, redeeming and sustaining) - so how are these reflected, or pointed to, in and through my life?  Plenty to ponder.

So, I went and talked to 60 Year 4 children about Baptism.  Clearly there had been a change of plan, and the teachers had not done much stuff on John the Baptiser, so that was one problem neatly avoided.

I talked about the Greek verb and its typical translations and application - dipping and dunking (the latter not a technically accurate translation, but hey... I sent them all home to baptise their digestive biscuits in tea), sinking (according to some Bappy leaflet I read) and dyeing.  Plus a tad on the symbolism on washing and dying/grave.  Of course there was smug daughter of Methodist local preacher who told me what Baptism was all about and was clearly checking out my soundness on the topic!

Then we got onto pictures of fonts and baptisteries including a photo of an Orthodox infant Baptism (by dunking, in case you didn't know).

They were intrigued and the questions came thick and fast - did people hit their heads on the end of the baptistery, could babies breath underwater, why didn't people dissolve as biscuits do (I think that was from the smart alecs!), how do you get trained in doing baptisms (good one that! see one, do one, teach one?  Says she who has seen and taught but never done), is it true that babies have to be baptised so they don't go to hell if they die, how deep is the water, why do some vicars draw crosses in the water, what do you wear...?  And one that really surprised me - how did I come to train to be a minister?

It was a fun hour, and it very soon passed.

I have no idea if in ten years they will remember anything I told them about Baptism, though maybe they will for ten days baptise their biscuits.  Hopefully, though, they will take away a sense that the Baptist vicar (sic) was actually an OK person, respectful of other traditions and other faiths, who treated their questions with the seriousness (and humour) they deserved.

Last night was our 'spring term' cluster meeting.  Whilst it is great that our cluster functions - at least for four of our churches - they are always slightly odd affairs.  Once we have reviewed the diary - one year a joint cluster service, next a cluster pulpit swap - we move onto sharing and praying for each other.  This is good, it is, honestly.  It is just also (a) very predictable and (b) that weird combination of funny and infuriating.

Here is the cream of last night's little gems...

Church No 1 proudly reported the new decoration of "the minister's vestry, school room and toilets" which do indeed look very attractive now they've been refurbished.  Just a shame that the floor in the school room is rotten and the walls are riddled with damp.  With a slightly more pastoral hat on, I guess it is always easier to do the things we feel we can manage, that lift our spirits, than to face the slog of largely unseen foundational work.  It just reminds me of how shocked my own folk were when our building - which had on the whole been kept well decorated - had to be closed because behind the paint was a century of neglect.

Church No 2 spoke of their interregnum and even said thay had appointed a moderator because they didn't have a minister.... oops, didn't have a full time minister.  I felt a moment of anger on behalf of their half-time, specialist Associate Minister who was sitting in the meeting being somewhat denigrated by the remark.  To appoint a moderator to relieve her of the additional burden of overseeing the calling of the person who will effectively become her superior is fine, to say thay don't have a minister isn't.   They then spoke of the process, and how it was exciting to think that somewhere was a minister sensing this and saying to his wife "do you know what, darling, I think the Lord is calling us to move."  At this point I had to bite my tongue hard, though did say 'or she.'  In our little cluster female ministers are it at the moment - there are three of us, all 'four year olds', and all working hard.  So why do our folk still think ministers are automatically married men? Grrrr.

There is a lot of good stuff happening in our area - lots of mission in many modes.  There is also a lot of change afoot - from an LEP review to an interregnum to looking at the long term future.  Of the four churches, three of us are dealing with big pastoral issues affecting our younger members and wondering how to resource the work to which are committed.  And this is where our cluster becomes so good - it is when eight or nine women (there were no men, ministers or otherwise at the meeting) share, listen and pray together that the dream of Assocation begins to come true, and where two or three (churches) gather the Shekina is present.