Unless an ear of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.

But if it dies it produces many seeds.

(John 12:24 NIVi)

At this morning's prayer meeting this verse kept coming into my mind.  Whether it was me or God or a bit of both who can objectively verify?  But it wouldn't go away, so I shared it and no one accused me of heresy!

Unless an ear of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains a single seed.  But if it dies it produces many seeds.

Is this what is being said to our little church?  I do not know, but I do wonder.

If I have an image in my mind, it is that we are on the edge of a cliff that has been steadily eroded over time.  As a result, what was once fairly safe, with a nice view of the sea, has become increasingly dangerous and is now precarious.  At the same time the sea has been getting more stormy, we have moved from a few little squalls to full force 9 gales, and the waves have been getting steadily bigger and more menacing.  Now it almost feels that I can hear the rumble of an impending tsunami.  Will we choose to sing "we have an anchor" even more loudly, will we step back from the edge or we will be swept away?  I honestly do not know.

This much I do believe:

• that God called me to this place at this time for this reason
• that God is faithful
• that death is part of life, and resurrection without death impossible
• that if this grain of wheat must die, and if it falls to the ground, despite the fallout and blame, the seeds can be spread far and wide, to extend the harvest of the gospel.

I am convinced that it is valid for a local church to die, if that is what is needful, in order for the seeds to be released for another planting.  I am fairly confident that, if this is the time for it to happen, I can, with God's help, walk the path to allow this to happen, and still see that as a vaild conclusion.

At the same time, I wrestle with the fear that I'm crying wolf (is this really the edge or not?) and the human fear of being scapegoated if I am proved right.  I am not entirely sure about putting this on the old www where anyone at all can see it.  But If I don't am I then colluding with the ostrich mentality that has brought us to this place?

Unless an ear of wheat falls to the ground and dies - may God grant that I, and we, have ears to hear what the Spirit says to the church.

Spelled to match local pronunciation.

Church Constitutions are good - they mean you know what's what, but they can be a right pain when things go pear-shaped.

Last night our deacons agreed to grovel to the church because we have failed to get the deacons nomination forms out in the required time to give the constitutional notice period for elections...  Why this is in the constitution I don't know, it is process not precedent.  But I can guess.  At the time said document was drawn up (about 30 years ago) it vested power in the author to control the elections as he dictated.  Now, when it is done late by oversight we end up acting unconstitutionally - though I'd argue we could simply vote for deacons at the meeting after the AGM because the constitution doesn't say we can't....

We also found ourselves trapped in regard of the Treasurer who must first be a deacon, not, as in most churches, a person who is ex officio a deacon.  Even if we could find folk to fulfil the role as part of a finance team (we can't) none of the remaining deacons is willing to take on the title.  Hence (among other things) yesterday's allusion to sage and onion.

Our constituion doesn't say what the requirements are for it to be changed, but it is hardly a five minute job, needing at least a couple of church meetings, and probably to be done via AGMs.

Some churches seem to manage to live in blissful ignorance of their rules or constitutions.  Despite my love of orderly conduct, right now I almost envy them!

Tonight we had what for Dibley is a very long Deacons' meeting - three hours.  In 'churches I have known' this would have been normal or even short.  I guess I have to be grateful that my folk usually get fidgety by 9:30 so that a 10:30 finish was unusual.

A fairly large chunk of the meeting was a time of sharing - how life and church are for each each of us at the moment.  People were honest and, on the whole, pretty open.  Fatigue and flatness seemed to be the operative words - everyone working more hours doing more things with more pressures.  Amazingly I did not feel either guilty or responsible when people said they felt church was 'flat.'

It wasn't a happy meeting, though there was no 'atmosphere', just a meeting of facing a lot of tough realities and starting to acknowledge that they won't suddenly come right if only we pray harder.  There was acknowledgement of yet another 'crunch time' looming, but that this one was different: whilst finances and building issues can be overcome or worked around, when the people have nothing left to give there is nowhere left to go.  I hope - and pray - that we do find a way through all this, but there was a real sense that come the AGM we could find ourselves, in the word I used, and apolgised because I didn't know a ministerially suitable equivalent, stuffed.

Amazingly, I am feeling fairly calm about this - but whether this is peace beyond comprehension or shere exhaustion I don't know!  Ah well a light weekend ahead with all of Sunday FREE!!!!

As the song says, not sure where it comes from, but recall singing it in a church pantomime years ago than I care to remember: -

When shivering in my shoes,

I strike a careless pose,

And whistle a hapy tune,

So no one ever knows I'm afraid!

The result of this deception

Is very strange to tell

For when I fool the people I feel

I fool myself as well...

 

I am trying to work out why I am currently so terrified at the thought of possibly presenting a paper at an international conference when I am fairly comfortable with the idea of presenting at a national one and have, albeit in a very different arena, presented at an international conference before.

Largely it is about my own sense of my credibility, I think.  Presenting in a field where I had a proven track record and was acknowledged as an excellent practitioner felt very different from a novice with no track record (apart from speaking on being a small church at Baptist Assembly and an undergrad dissertation on single people and church in the BMJ (Baptist variety thereof), neither of which pertains to the topic under discussion).  I guess I was less scared of looking silly and/or not being able to answer people's questions.

So why not so scared of a UK audience?  I think it is because this is a less 'unknown' forum and one where more tentative explorations are shared in an atmosphere that is generally quite kind.  And whilst I don't want or need to be treated with kid gloves, I guess I feel that I have 'novice' written on my head in rather large letters for everyone to see.

And all this is in some sense a tad daft anyway, because my experience in indsutry conferneces is that most people who ask questions are genuinely interested in what you're doing, and those who want to make you look silly or stupid the minority.  That plus the fact that I actually enjoy presenting (and am probably better at that than I am at writing) means that I will, in a day or so, pluck up the courage to contact the relevant conference organisers to see whether they would accept my work. 

Ulp! Whistle, whistle!

At our Lent meeting tonight we were thinking about being made in the image and likeness of God, and about how God's character is seen within us; almost more as ikon than image I guess.  The leader, a very wonderful retired Methodist minister, speaking about creativity (which was the main theme) asked us to think how what we do is 'creative' and if not creative, then how it is 'redemptive.'

That made me think a lot.  Often enough we speak of God as 'creator, redeemer and sustainer' (or creating, redeeming and sustaining) - so how are these reflected, or pointed to, in and through my life?  Plenty to ponder.