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A Skinny Fairtrade Latte in the Food Court of Life - Page 415

  • A Timely Reminder

    On Thursday I had a phone call from my bank, alerting me to suspicious activity on my debit card... it turned out that there were three fraudulent transactions, only one successful, and fortunately only for a relatively small sum of money, which was refunded straight way.  I had two made online payments using the card that were also stopped but, thankfully, as I have a second current account with a debit card (Jewish roots run deep!) I was able to pay for them with the second card.  But I don't know the PIN for the second card, it is very much a back-up, fall-back, last resort account (so not so Jewish after all!) and its balance is kept fairly low (around a month's money) so I couldn't simply get cash from that one.

    My main bank were extremely helpful, and said if I needed to get cash all I had to do was pop into a branch... but the only one in Glasgow is in the centre of town, so a not insignificant undertaking.

    Instead, I decided that I would eke out such cash as I had until the new card arrived (which I'd assumed would be early next week).  It was a healthy reminder of what it means to be restricted to cash payments and not to be able to get cash from any convenient 'hole in the wall'.  It meant thinking what I could afford to have for lunch if I was to have enough cash left for paying the cafe bill at a scheduled meet later on where it was my turn...  It meant that nipping into the shop to buy milk meant just that...  It meant that when I fancied a treat yesterday afternoon, I didn't get one because I deemed what was on offer too dear...

    Every now and then people do this 'live on £1 a day' type thingy knowing fine well they have cupboards groaning with food and a credit or debit card in their pocket.  Actually being stymied for a day or three was a far more salutory experience.

    My new card arrived today, and all is well... I hope, though, that I have maybe learned something that won't fade from memory so quickly.

  • Awareness Raising...

    "6.5 inches and ten minutes"

    "I like it beside the settee"

    "banana"

    "I just saw a streaker running down the high street"

    "I'm going to Barbados for nineteen weeks"

     

    If you use social media, you may have come across status updates like this and wondered just what on earth they were about. 

    • Thinly veiled innuendo (shoe size expressed in inches and how long you spend styling your hair OR where do you like to put your handbag when you come home)
    • fruit to inidicate marital status (no idea which one corresponds to single, I just guessed one)
    • preposterous status updates (you should not have 'liked' now you must post a forfeit status update from this list) or imaginary holiday destinations for durations dictated by the date of your birthday (month = destination, no idea which is December'; day number = duration in weeks)

    So now you know.  Evidently these raise awareness for female breast cancer... because if you 'like' or 'favourite' you will be sent a private/direct message telling you what to post and/or to forward this to all your female friends.

    I am sick to the back teeth of these games!  My bc buddies, some of whom are living with secondaries are sick to the back teeth or these games!  We are not your pink sistas (well a few maybe, but most of us are not) and we really don't need some daft game to raise awareness.  In any case, it's not just women who get breast cancer, men do too.

    So, if you are still reading (I'll understand totally if people have abandoned this ranty post) and if you want to do some awareness raising, then how about posting this picture...

    breast-cancer-symptoms.jpg

    You could even donate to a research or support charity (see my side bar) or sign one of the numerous petitions online to improve support for those with secondary bc, which kills 12,000 women every year...

    I'm not anti-fun but these games don't achieve anything useful, and I'm on a one woman mission to debunk them!!

  • Serendipity?

    This morning I began the task of planning preaching themes/schemes/topics for the first part of 2015.  I had an idea relating to the gospel of Mark (it's Year B after all) and then a vague something or other around the Old Testament for Lent... maybe prophets, or covenants or wisdom...

    Then in the course of five minutes, two books were brought to my notice, one on Mark,  the other on Hebrew understandings of wisdom.  So that was all brilliantly serendipitous.

    Then I became acutely aware I had nothing in mind yet for Advent 2014, which is really a tad more urgent... when I spotted something that just might fit the bill, and heres a small clue...

  • Too Good Not To Share...

    This via social media is simply brilliant...

    Feline Sedentation

    This late report has been received from the General Synod of the Church of England following a rather startling discovery in the Dead See (sic) scrolls.  Apparently a significant verse in the 13th. Chapter of Daniel has lain hitherto undiscovered.  This states categorically that "The Cat sat on the Mat".  The intense debate which has followed this discovery is summarised as follows:

     

    LIBERAL theologians pointed out that such a passage did not, of course, mean that the cat literally sat on the mat.  Also, `cat` and `mat` had, in those days, meanings which differed significantly from those understood today.  The text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

     

    This led to an immediate backlash from the EVANGELICALS.  They maintained that the essential condition of faith was that the real, physical, living cat, being a domestic pet of the species Felis Domesticus, having a whiskered head and furry body, four legs and a tail, * (The Bishop of Sodor and Man lodged a formal objection to the inclusion of this appendage in the specification on the grounds of racial discrimination.  Synod agreed to `take note` of the objection and to place it on the agenda for future debate) did physically place its whole body on a floor covering designed for that purpose, and is ON the floor, but not OF the floor.  The expression "On the floor, but not OF the floor" will be explained in a leaflet. (SPCK 10p + postage)

     

    Meanwhile the CATHOLIC wing are preparing to develop a "Festival of the Sedentation of The Blessed Cat".  This will teach that the cat was white and majestically reclined on a mat of gold thread before its assumption to the Great Cat Basket in the sky.  This is commemorated by the singing of MagnifiCAT, lighting of three candles and ringing a bell five times.  This may cause schism with the Orthodox Church which contends that tradition requires a "Holy Cat's day", as it is colloquially known, to be marked by the lighting of six candles and ringing a bell four times.  The difficulty would be partly resolved by application of the Cuckoo Land Declaration which recognises the validity of each.

     

    The CHARISMATICS would welcome the chance which the text offers for a full experience of the feline presence.  This will be shown by adopting the "Purr-Pose" which involves resting on all four limbs on the floor and miaowing in the full feline spirit.  This will, naturally, only be possible after the singing for some 30 minutes of inspired songs such as "O Cat, O Cat, cat, come to our mat, mat, mat !" or "Feline, we enthrone you, we proclaim you as Cat !" or "When you scratch us we know you're there".

     

    The HOUSE CHURCH elements are expected to agree a common doctrine after four pauses in a statement of multiple clauses.

     

    After much deliberation, the HOUSE OF BISHOPS of the Church of England has issued a statement subsequent to the report of the Cheshire Committee, which met recently at Furzebrook in Dorset under the chairmanship of the Bishop of Felixtowe.  This is entitled "The Doctrine of Feline Sedentation" (Mowbray £24.99).  It explains that, traditionally, the text describes a domestic feline quadruped subjacent to an unattached covering of a fundamental surface. For determining its salvific and eschatological significations, "we have followed the heuristic analytical principles adopted in dealing with the Canine Fenestration Question (How much is that doggie in the window?) and the Affirmative Musaceous Paradox (Yes, we have no bananas)" ----- and so on for 210 pages,

     

    The GENERAL SYNOD, after lengthy debate, eventually passed, by a two-thirds majority, a motion proposed by the Ven. Arthur Choosey, Archdeacon of Catford, which commends this report as helpful resource material enabling clergy to explain to the man in the pew the difficult doctrinal problems presented by the hitherto unknown text, "The Cat sat on the Mat".  Among some notable dissentients to the motion were the Team Rector of the Isle of Dogs and the Vicar of Mousehole, Cornwall, both of whom stated that the dissemination of such doctrine would make their position untenable - but for differing reasons.

     

    © The Estate of William John Green, 2004

  • Improvisation?

    Small things amuse small minds, so mine must be minute.

    The next couple of Sundays I'm playing around a little bit with the sermon slot of our services, and the prospect is making me happy!

    The flow of the services is much as ever, but a few stylistic experiments ... hopefully it will be OK!