Every now and then someone tells me they think I am very patient - if only they could see inside my head!  If patient means allowing people to make mistakes, yes I'm patient.  If patient means tolerating disagreement, yes I'm patient.  If patient means accepting that sometimes things they longer than I think they should, yes, I'm patient.  But if patient means sitting benignly waiting all day for a parcel that does not arrive, then I am so not patient!

This week I ordered two items of furniture to be delivered to my home, a desk and an office chair, all part of my Grand Plan to create a nice work space in heaps of time for my sabbatical this summer. (Readers will notice I'm starting to talk more about this; it's getting nearer and plans are starting to shape up: exciting!).  I received an email to tell me the chair had been dispatched, and using an online tracking system, I found it had left the depot for delivery, so sat patiently, working at home all day... no chair.  I kept checking online to see if it had been checked back to the depot so that I could rearrange delivery... it never was.  Yesterday morning I logged in bright and early - to discover it had been sent out again before 6 a.m.  So I sat and waited, and finally it arrived.  It's a good chair, I'm happy with it but not impressed by a certain international parcel company whose initial letter seems to stand for 'Useless'.

Today I am waiting for the desk to arrive.  A different company, a different system of notification.  Having been out in the evening on Wednesday, I returned home to a message on my answerphone to tell me they would deliver between 7 a.m. and 9:45 a.m. today, and if there were problems or I wished to change that, here was a tracking code and phone number.  Time will tell if this promise comes good, but I feel more charitably disposed towards them already!

My time has not been wasted.  I have worked well at home, prepared a sermon I'm happy with, done a reasonable amount of reading on mission, attended to various admin matters and even held a small meeting (in which Holly cat participated in snoring observer status).  This morning I will play the fun game of 'picking hymns' ready for next Sunday, and spend a bit more time thinking ahead to Lent and Easter (ulp!).

Patience may be a virtue, but benign tolerance of incompetence it is not!

EDIT (10:10 a.m. or there abouts)

OK, so I sit in my flat working away at hymn picking etc. and the phone rings just six minutes before the end of the delivery window... we're really sorry, your item hasn't reached our depot yet so we can't deliver, we will call you again when it arrives to arrange a new date.... HUH???

• don't shoot messenger, be polite
• stamp round room
• update blog with whinge
• remind self that at least they did let me know
• be very grateful I can work at home
• and b-r-e-a-t-h-e! :0)

If you have watched Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty, you will have seen humorously explored questions around prayer and its answering.

The classic when I grew up was the preacher who spoke of the child who prayed for sunshine for the picnic they looked forward to, and the farmer who prayed for rain for the crops, and the conundrum of which prayer God should answer (and the smart Alec reply (not from me, brain too slow) that God could send rain at night and sun in the day...)

This weekend we see one of the classic situations whereby decent, earnest Christians are engaged in equal and opposite prayers regarding propsed legislative changes in England and Wales (I'm sure similar stuff is happening in Scotland I just don't see it reported; oh, and 'hello Northern Ireland' <waves>).  Poor God, the already wounded church tearing itself apart, as God is invoked in favour of alternative understandings.  If that isn't enough, then people will interpret the outcome as successful/unsuccessful prayer, evil/good winning, God punishing/God affirming, and even, sadly 'us' over against 'them'.  Oh dear.

These are important and difficult decisions that must be made, and decent, loving people will be hurt or disappointed whatever the outcome.  May God grant us humility and gentleness as we pray, or refrain form praying, and as we move forward once the die is cast.

Another excellent post from David Kerrigan here.

It was Thomas Helwys, an English General Baptist who came from the East Midlands who famously wrote:

‘For our lord the king is but an earthly king, and he has no authority as a king but in earthly causes. And if the king’s people be obedient and true subjects, obeying all human laws made by the king, our lord the king can require no more. For men’s religion to God is between God and themselves. The king shall not answer for it. Neither may the king be judge between God and man. Let them be heretics, Turks, Jews, or whatsoever, it appertains not to the earthly power to punish them in the least measure’. (Helwys, Mystery of Iniquity)

Our claim to be 'for' freedom of religion does not always work itself out in daily living, and of course it is no simple 'anything goes' viewpoint.  But it's a good principle.

Go and read David's article, which cites some helpful material by Brian Haymes too.

So I am now a couple of weeks into my tweaked working pattern.  In that time I have worked some seriously long days (longest was about 14 hours, don't tell anyone ;-) )and have achieved loads.  I have found myself able to sit down and read sizable chunks of real theology - something I have not been about to do since chemo addled my brain almost two and a half years ago.  I have had the kind of energy I used to take for granted (albeit with kn*ckered joints to limit my endeavours somewhat).  And, importantly, I have started to find sermons 'flowing' rather than being wrung out of me.  Sermon prep has finally stopped feeling like wading through treacle, and twice in as many weeks I have sat down and written what I think to be a half decent draft at the first attempt.

Is this, then, me emerging finally from chemo-brain, or is it more that I have found a pattern that works with my strengths?  Who can tell.  My memory is still not what it was, but I do find that I am starting to retain more 'new' information and I have less 'holes' in my mind that I did... or at least I think I do.  Some of that has to be down to better coping strategies, because I still totally forget about things unless I write them down.

Perhaps then, it is because I have, finally, just about recovered my full energy levels?  I have felt like I was at 90-95% for a long time, but never quite been able to recover that last bit, the bit that gives a spark.  Could it be that re-ordering my days has done that for me?

Long term drug side effects continue, I have no doubt of that: there are times everyday when I feel generally bleurgh for a few minutes.  The low grade exhaustion of almost ten years in ordained ministry has its inevitable impact, and I know all too well that I need space for spiritual refreshment.  For all that, I do feel as if I've finally climbed out of the treacle I've been wading through the past few months, and begun to walk freely again.

I just hope it lasts!  And I hope it has a positive impact on my ministry.

...dictates that I am working from home whilst waiting for a courier to arrive with my new office chair, ready to go into my strangely tidy spare room as it morphs into a work space (desk due to arrive sometime next week!).  By the wonder of parcel tracking, I know it left Tamworth yesterday evening and travelled via Preston to Glasgow before setting of just before 7 a.m. to get to me.  I did have to nip out to the dentist, but there is no evidence of a missed delivery, so what're the chances I am stuck here until the evening waiting for it arrive?  And does posting this aid or jinx time of arrival?!!

Sermon prep going well, so it is a day being well employed, if not quite as planned.