Funerals for people we’ve never met make us vulnerable – vulnerable to the whims of family who may choose to omit certain details (for which we will be blamed), vulnerable to the wiles of funeral directors who have schedules to maintain, vulnerable to our own sense of inadequacy and/or the odd buttons that might get pushed or phantoms disturbed.  But at least where there is family there is something to hear and so something to say (as well as not to say).  The really tricky ones are those where all we have is a name, an age and a date of death, along with a time and a place for the funeral.

This has been occupying my mind a lot this week, and was brought into stark relief this morning when I received the ‘standard’ fee from the funeral director for tomorrow’s service, which I can’t see lasting more than ten minutes (though has taken several times that to work through).  Looking at the rectangle of paper that is a cheque, laid alongside two sides of white typed A4 including prayers, a Bible reading, an eight line tribute and words of committal, it all felt very, very sad. 

I thought again of the funeral with no mourners and the sense that all I could really say of the person was ‘known unto God.’  And is that enough?  On one hand, it is all that is needed, all that, ultimately, matters but it seems so inadequate to sum up a life, especially a long life.  And if the funeral is reduced to three words, twelve letters, that works out at around £9 a letter, £35 a word, which is at once obscenely expensive and cheap sentiment.

Recalling a simple wooden coffin, topped by a small wreath, in which were held the mortal remains of an elderly woman arriving alone at a crematorium, and anticipating something similar tomorrow in a hillside cemetery, these thoughts arise:

Known Unto God

Is it enough to say of her, ‘known unto God?’

What is expressed when I say of him ‘known unto God?’

What were her girlish dreams,

His boyhood ambitions?

Known unto God

What made them laugh?

Did they dance or sing?

Known unto God

What was her proudest moment,

His greatest day?

Known unto God

Who did they love – and who loved them?

Who broke their hearts – and whose did they break?

Known unto God

What secret longings were never fulfilled?

What painful regrets were never addressed?

Known unto God.

Who now will mourn them, and who is left?

Who will remember the life that was theirs?

Known unto God

Inadequate sufficiency,

Essentials fulfilled:

Known unto God

‘Jim’ and ‘Mabel,’

John Doe, Jane Doe,

Unknown soldier,

Unnamed foetus:

Known unto God

For ever

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father Mckenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

Even as a child I found these words immensely sad.  This week as I've been pondering the graveside service I will conduct tomorrow, I was reminded of a funeral I conducted a couple of years back for a real life Eleanor Rigby, an elderly woman, estranged for her relatives whose funeral was arranged by her solicitor. I had anticipated the funeral party consisting of me, the undertaker and crematorium organist and wrote some words accordingly.  In the end a nephew and his wife arrived, along with one neighbour - even this seemingly unloved woman had someone who wanted to say goodbye to her.

Today I will prepare my liturgy for tomorrow.  For now I offer, tentatively and in case it is of use to someone else, my liturgy for Eleanor Rigby and others like her.  Parts have been adapted from Baptist sources, so please don't sue me for plagiarism!

Apologies for any odd formatting - I still haven't learned properly how to juggle the html on things I paste in from word processing software

Opening Sentences and Readings                                                        

Jesus said, ‘I am the resurrection and the life.  Whoever believes in me will live, even though they die.’   He also said ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted’

We are here to say farewell to FULL NAME and to give thanks to God for HER/HIS life.

As we do so, we acknowledge that there have been difficulties, that perhaps mistakes were made or potential left unfulfilled, yet we want to acknowledge NAME’s life and to commend HER/HIM to God’s mercy and compassion

We are here in the presence of our God who has said ‘I will not fail you or desert you.’

Prayer                                                                                                

Loving God, we come to you in need of your help at this time.

You have given us life and now we face the mystery of death, isolation and abandonment.

Help us to find you in the whole of life, its beginning and its ending.

Help us to discover you in our pain as well as our joy, in our doubts as well as our faith, in our confusion and sadness as well as our confidence, that we might find comfort in your words and new hope in Christ.

We make our prayer in Jesus’ name

Amen.

Bible reading – Psalm 139, selection

LORD, you have examined me and you know me.

You know everything I do; from far away you understand all my thoughts.

You see me, whether I am working or resting; you know all my actions.

Even before I speak, you already know what I will say.

You are all around me on every side; you protect me with your power.

Your knowledge of me is too deep; it is beyond my understanding.

You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because you are to be feared; all you do is strange and wonderful. I know it with all my heart.

When my bones were being formed, carefully put together in my mother's womb, when I was growing there in secret, you knew that I was there, you saw me before I was born. The days allotted to me had all been recorded in your book, before any of them ever began.

Prayer

Gracious God, we thank you for life of FULL NAME. 

We know nothing of HER/HIS life, yet we are sure that SHE/HE has known times of great joy, moments of laughter and happiness and the love of another.  You know all that SHE/HE has been, and we pray that those who have known HER/HIM may, in time, be comforted by good memories.

We suspect that there have been failures and struggles for HER/HIM and those who loved HER/HIM.  Help them to come to terms with their bad memories and to be healed of their hurt.

We pray for your comfort and strength for HER/HIS family at this time.

Now that HER/HIS earthly life has ended, we commend NAME to you, trusting in your love and compassion.

As the moment comes when we let NAME go, be with us, guiding and strengthening us, helping us to grow in knowledge and love.

For we pray in Jesus’ name.

Amen

Committal

Now having commended NAME to God’s mercy and compassion, we commit HER/HIS body to be cremated.  Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life.

Amen.

Blessing

We leave this service chastened in our own attitudes, reminded of the vulnerability of human life and the importance of love and forgiveness.  Love is never changed by death; nothing of Love is ever lost through death; and the end is the harvest of a new beginning.

D G Hart, in History and the Christian Historian:

In the end, Christian history is nice work if you can get it.  It would be marvelous if, because of faith or regeneration, Christian historians were able to divine what God was up to in all subjects of research and teaching. But Christain theology says we cannot discern God's hand in that way.  It also reminds us that we need to trust that God is in control of human history even if we cannot always see that control, that God providentially orders and governs human affairs.  No matter how much the historical profession says that history moves from antiquity to modernity, the Bible tells Christians, whether historians or not, that the real direction of history is from the first to the last Adam. Only with a sense of history that culminates in Christ and the establishment of the new heavens and new earth will we finally have a Christian history. (p. 86-87)

Same essay citing Charles Miller

The Christian historian must be one in three and three in one - a professing Christian, a thinking theolgian, and a practicing historian.' (p. 87)

As the saying goes: discuss.

History and the Christian Historian ed. Ronald A Wells, Cambridge, Eerdman's, 1998

... of this minister.

1. Deal with a few important phone calls
   
2. Meet team of archaeologists surveying chapel site and digging big holes to look for ancient relics 
3. Conduct funeral at crematorium 20 miles away
4. Arrange for SOCO to visit church to collect crisp bag evidence
5. Meet another family to plan another funeral
6. Let endangered species officer into chapel at dusk to check for bats
7. Read a couple of chapters of a book on theology and history and think (a) ha, I'm right (b) rats someone got here first (c) how do I develop all this!
   

"... have another woman minister"

Just heard that Dibley Parish Church has appointed a woman priest, which turns Dibley and District into one of the highest densities of female clergy in the country!  Mildly amusing given the ongoing level of anti-women minister sentiments in the broader locality.