Funerals for people we’ve never met make us vulnerable – vulnerable to the whims of family who may choose to omit certain details (for which we will be blamed), vulnerable to the wiles of funeral directors who have schedules to maintain, vulnerable to our own sense of inadequacy and/or the odd buttons that might get pushed or phantoms disturbed. But at least where there is family there is something to hear and so something to say (as well as not to say). The really tricky ones are those where all we have is a name, an age and a date of death, along with a time and a place for the funeral.
This has been occupying my mind a lot this week, and was brought into stark relief this morning when I received the ‘standard’ fee from the funeral director for tomorrow’s service, which I can’t see lasting more than ten minutes (though has taken several times that to work through). Looking at the rectangle of paper that is a cheque, laid alongside two sides of white typed A4 including prayers, a Bible reading, an eight line tribute and words of committal, it all felt very, very sad.
I thought again of the funeral with no mourners and the sense that all I could really say of the person was ‘known unto God.’ And is that enough? On one hand, it is all that is needed, all that, ultimately, matters but it seems so inadequate to sum up a life, especially a long life. And if the funeral is reduced to three words, twelve letters, that works out at around £9 a letter, £35 a word, which is at once obscenely expensive and cheap sentiment.
Recalling a simple wooden coffin, topped by a small wreath, in which were held the mortal remains of an elderly woman arriving alone at a crematorium, and anticipating something similar tomorrow in a hillside cemetery, these thoughts arise:
Known Unto God
Is it enough to say of her, ‘known unto God?’
What is expressed when I say of him ‘known unto God?’
What were her girlish dreams,
His boyhood ambitions?
Known unto God
What made them laugh?
Did they dance or sing?
Known unto God
What was her proudest moment,
His greatest day?
Known unto God
Who did they love – and who loved them?
Who broke their hearts – and whose did they break?
Known unto God
What secret longings were never fulfilled?
What painful regrets were never addressed?
Known unto God.
Who now will mourn them, and who is left?
Who will remember the life that was theirs?
Known unto God
Inadequate sufficiency,
Essentials fulfilled:
Known unto God
‘Jim’ and ‘Mabel,’
John Doe, Jane Doe,
Unknown soldier,
Unnamed foetus:
Known unto God
For ever
Amen.